Do Your Dreams Scare You?

If they don't, you're not dreaming big enough.

You know in school when your teacher asks, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Lil Lyd - Age 4. Photo by Mom.

For a long time, I’ve dreamed of doing many things. I always had that adventurous spirit, and I would often (still kinda do) daydream about what my life would be like, had one of those dreams come true. I was always told I was a dramatic kid, stubborn, but charismatic. So why not be a writer? Or a comedian, or a teacher? No, I want to do something fun. I got it. Movie star!

Now, in my house growing up, there was a choice—school, or…school. In my free time, or whenever I could sneak it, it was movies, games, and all of the TV a girl could get. You know, typical childhood bits. Occasional video games here and there, but it was the screen that always had me going. From heartwarming musicals like “The Sound of Music” to dramatic classics such as “The Color Purple, and belly-hurting comedies like “House Party". I loved it all. If I were staying with my grandmother, I would catch real classic TV shows like Matlock, or Murder She Wrote. If I were with my aunt, it was one of her favorites - The Godfather series. To be honest, I didn’t realize until recently how much the influence of cinema and acting was always around me.

Then, the music bug hit me.

Whenever I was in the car with my mama, she always had a case full of CDs and cassette tapes. Yes, to my wonderful Gen-Z readers, they were a thing. And, if we weren’t listening to one of her CDs, it was the radio. One thing was for sure, I was convinced that my mama was a human jukebox. She knew every single word to every single song. It was amazing. I thought, “I want to know all the words to songs too!” With artists like Mahalia Jackson, Anita Baker, Aretha Franklin, Luther Vandross, and of course, Prince. He’s her ABSOLUTE favorite. Just know that our car rides would slap any car karaoke show around. It bit me hard. The way singers groove on every beat, making it their own. The musicians killed it on every solo. It was mind-blowing. After a while I found myself thinking, and thinking more and more about actually being on a stage one day, or in a movie. I would pray about it, and then think about it, and dream harder. So much that it…scared me. It still does.

“Is that a bad thing?” I thought.

I’m a person who often has vivid dreams. So vivid, that they feel real. The ones that get me are when I feel like I’m falling and literally can’t get up (Shoutout to Life Alert) and I wake up feeling like I’ve just been pinned to the floor. When honestly the thrill of it all is exhilarating. It’s nuts, but I’m not afraid of a lot of things. Well, except for large insects, but back on topic. As much as I’m not afraid to one day skydive, or ride the largest roller coaster, why do I fear my dreams of making a success of myself?

…Whoa.

It boils down to not having control of what’s coming. When I don’t know what’s happening I get anxious. It’s annoyingly frustrating, to be honest. Because if anyone were to tell me, “Lyd, you’ve been out here doing your thing. Traveling, and performing. That’s so dope.” What if I said that I’ve been doing it all while being afraid? I've wanted all of these things so badly that it scares me to do it. I do it still though because I love it, and I know in the end it will all be worth it.

Lyds at her best - Age 34. Photo by a gracious supporter.

It’s ok to be scared I think, because I feel it gives that extra push you didn’t know you needed. After all, look at Disney. They embrace dreaming all the time, and they have hella parks and attractions to boot. All in all, once you relinquish control and let God do His thing, it all just works out you know? They say it takes 10 years to make a dream come to life. You have to put in the 10,000 hours of work and dedication to see it through. I’m here for it.

Peace.